I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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