I smell stomach acid.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
