i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
