These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
