clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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