Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
