Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
