I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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