Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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