what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
