Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He felt like a one man threesome
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
