I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
