Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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