I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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