regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
