nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
