Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I know her cup size but not her name....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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