Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
