i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
