There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
