you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have already put on my inside pants.
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