All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
