my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
