i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
