Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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