Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
