i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
