when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
