I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
