she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
