I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
