What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
