Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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