Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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