She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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