You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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