I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
