What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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