Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
