rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
