I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
