I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
