Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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