New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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