he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize