Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
