You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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