I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
