nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
