They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize