just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
