So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
