I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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