I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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