making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
