She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize