this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
How's work?
Spinning.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
