Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
