In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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