I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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