I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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