And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
