I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
