DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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