happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize