Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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