I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
