It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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