either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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