I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
