i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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