My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
