why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize