There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
