hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
