doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
