Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
