Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm like, not good at living.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
