have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize