I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
