Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
