I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
