im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
