but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
