Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
