How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
