I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
