But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
