A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
