Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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