a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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