i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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