her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
im on a boat
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