your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
