Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize