Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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