There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
