Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
