New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
