He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
