Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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