She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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