My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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