you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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