I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize