was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
