So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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