youre lurking in front of me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
