I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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