So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
