At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
